as i look towards a journey of a new land, i know everything will be so very easy to leave...except you.
for i realize my heart still lies at a crossroads presenting many colorful paths of inticing experiences along your side. and oh! how they are calling to my simple heart... flirting their affairs as i continue to pack my things. i know a time of inspiration is about to embrace me, and that my eyes will fill with the pixels that make up dreams. my heart (waiting paciently to dance down those pathways like leaves dance along the sidewalks in the fall) will continue to thrive because of the love we were able to speak to eachother. and i will carry your passion and your inspiration of love with me. i will capture everything. i will capture art. like you've captured my heart...

...eia...

let me tell you about a man whose eyes are true, deep, breathtaking. his hands, of simple size, display strong, bold lines and yet are so gentle when tracing the borders of my face... his firey energy moves me through all of life's pleasures and inspires me to break my personal limitations, into places where i find new, undescribeable, emotions. let me tell you, there is more passion and music in his being than there is time to appreciate it.

his soul moves to the same music as mine, and even apart we continue dance hand in hand.
love in love.
art in art.

my vocabulary has been stripped of words whose meaning has been transformed through our experience. i cannot begin to formulate my emotion with these limited symbols. the extent to which i feel when i remember just three days ago surpasses that of any other.... here, in these memories, i am greeted with an affair of words, hands and, of course, art.

remember our kiss?
beautiful touch between gentle gaze
we explored a fantasy
and found a new world

i had been dreaming about this day for a long time now. and finally here it was. and it moved me beyond words. it wasn't like my dream, it was better. there was more art, joy, beauty than ever. your hands. your hands. your hands. they're dancing through my mind now and always.

while stepping over the bologna on the floor i was over come with mindlessness. i tripped over the glances of those i know. they watched as i aimlessly followed the flow through another day of nothing.


today when i stepped through the cafeteria, i was shining like i should. no longer stumbling my way to class but gracefully traveling to another hour of knowledge. today i have realized me. my strength. my beauty. and all because of a realization. caused through following one's beautiful hands through a journey of cinciderations, thoughts, words, and art.

it's becoming increasingly more difficult to drag myself through life these days. (left foot. right foot. oops- lost my mind again.) so here i am drowning myself in the made up lives of someones' daydreams while eating my cold mac & cheese- (the only thing i've had all day) just hoping that when the lights are turned back on and the tape rewound that my life will have suddenly become better, or at least different. i'm tired of my life.

do not love me
but love me enough to not love anyone else but me

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

i don't know why i try
oh wait ... of course i do
i still adore you completely
but the same can't be said by you

i wish you happy trails
and good times to come ahead
i'll just lie here waiting for my heart to heal
in this cold and empty bed

ink seperates leaving the felt tip while griping onto the fibers below it
but more than pen and paper, it's an expression of emotions
for a special occasion.
and you thought...
haha.

She said "everybody loves you,"
she says, "everybody cares"
But all the things
I keep inside myself
they vanish in the air
If you tell me
that you'll wait for me
I'll say I won't be here
I want to say goodbye to you
Goodbye to all my friends
Goodbye to everyone I know
Daylight fading
Come and waste another year
All the the anger and the eloquence
are bleeding into fear
Moonlight creeping
around the corners of our lawn
When we see the early signs
that daylight's fading We leave just before it's gone
ADAM DURITZ

i am left to contemplate how worthy i am to live on
why should there be a purpose to my life? surely there isn't.
in my eighteen years i feel i have done all there was for me to do.
and damnit- sometimes death calls much more sweetly than life.
so much easier
i'm teetering. on edge. of easy.
who's going to stop me?
i'm not afraid.
sure you all will cry. for a day or two.
then move on.
donate all my junk (to the Thrift Store).
where the same empty hearted eyes will eat away my things like they did gma's.
and life will go on. without me.
yeah. easy.